Day 5

I have begun to lose my sanity. The rage is almost impossible to control and I feel like an animal with nothing more than primal instincts. I find myself gnashing my teeth at everything, especially my little sister. On the MED A, I felt distant from the drama of others, and the only person that could still annoy me was Kristen. However on this medication, the push to rage is so much faster that I almost decked her in a public place over nothing but a snide comment which happens on a secondly basis between the two of us. I find myself becoming heated to the point I’m grasping vainly on the edges of control and become so volatile that I shake with the need for release. I also find myself becoming more anti-social on this medication. My introverted personality traits seem to have begun to dominate my extroverted personality traits. I don’t quite know what my friends and family think about my changes, I don’t know if they can even tell, but what I do know is that the migraines started two days ago, and with every additional pill I become more moody. I spoke with my elder sister, who said that she too hated the medication at first. However, I don’t really like either my mother or my elder sister upon it. I find them quick to anger, and seeing as I am already a rage filled person I fear what may happen if I continue. Life to me is now like one who was a God and is now mortal. I have tasted an aphrodisiac and have had it ripped from my fingers and although I understand the need to find the best possible solution; it is my firm belief that this is not it. There have been many instances where I have wished to beat my sister, and a few where I have taken a step forward, but there has never been a case that the only thing that stopped me was a sharp word from my father, who had just started paying attention. I doubt he even understood what was going on.

I have also begun having difficulties writing, it seems that my creative juices have ceased where upon the MED A they were in the extreme. It is unfortunate that I don’t like this medication. For as of this moment, I will be recommending to my physician that we change my medication to something a little more all encompassing to my needs. I fear that because I was late she didn’t have enough time to diagnose me, and I would love to read her prognosis on the meeting. I wonder if I could get my patient files, they would be most intriguing to read. I have two pills left, before I up my dosage, I have less hope that I will wish to cease from hiding amongst my covers. God help me.

Myself